December 31st, 2010
9 hours until year one of the most recent numeric decade comes to a close. While I've been considering a review of 2010 I've realized 2 things: 1- I've done WAY too much blogging to be able to recap them all. 2- This year is over and not only do I have a lack of interest in pop culture (which most people use for their "year in review"), but 2010 was a mediocre year. Who wants to read a blog about mediocrity? Not me, nor do I want to write one!
What better way to stave off mediocrity than Snookie? Yes, tonight at midnight the new year will be kicked off with Snookie climbing out of one ball to go home with 2 others that will spend 2011 itchy and medicated. Which leads up to my first prediction.
Prediction 1: Reality television will reach an all time low and I don't mean ratings. Eventually we're going to have to stop glorifying those idiots from New Jersey: Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, Real Housewives of New Jersey (which aren't even housewives), Cake Boss.... If you've seen any of these shows you've realized reality TV is currently exploiting the mentally handicapped and like me, you're probably wondering how it get's worse than that. You'll find out this year.
You may not think my first prediction was going out on a limb because that's been the trend with reality television so with my second prediction I promise not to do the same.
Prediction 2: I win the lottery. Yes, I'm predicting in 2011 I win roughly 146 million dollars (after taxes) and when I do, you can't have any because I know you don't believe in me. I will, however, write one last lovely blog that says something along the lines of "I told you so EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE" then ride off into the sunset in my brand new 2011 Ford Focus. Ford Focus? Yes. I will be contractually obligated to be driving a Ford Focus because of my 3rd prediction.
Prediction 3: Todd Smiff is going to become a household name in an undisclosed manner. I will then stop talking in the third person and be offered a ridiculous contract by Ford where they pay me to hang out with Mike Rowe and drive the Focus for the next 3-5 years.
I know you thought after the first couple paragraphs I was going to have something smart and informative to say, but you were wrong.
Happy New Year!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Merry Christmas Eve..... Eve
December 23, 2010.
Christmas looms on the horizon and as I try to sound like an actual writer, people grow increasingly anxious for gifts and other various holiday treats.
Christmas, no longer just a celebration of the birth of our lord an savior, it is now something so much.... less. A commercialized flurry of new gadgets, incredible holiday offers, and being really depressed. To be honest, I'm not ever sure people realize what is being celebrated anymore or that there's even a celebration going on. We're all too busy trying to get the last Tickle Me Elmo or feeling guilty all we could afford is $5.00 toward way too much "coffee" at Starbucks.
Earlier today I was wished a Merry Christmas Eve Eve. Yes, there was actually a second eve and while I respect the person who said it to me, the only response I could muster.... "I'm Jewish". Christmas is great, but not so great I'm going to go around wishing people Merry Christmas 3-6 days in advance.
Christmas, no longer just a celebration of the birth of our lord and savior, it's now something much... more. Tis the season for gross over consumption. Did you know: The average person consumes 600 more calories per day between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Essentially that is 2 extra meals per day and roughly 15,000 calories throughout the "25 days of Christmas". For those of you who aren't in the physical fitness industry, that's just over 4 lbs of body fat in less than a month. No wonder everybody feels guilty at the start of the year and make there's New Years Resolution to get in shape.
It's not just food that's being over consumed, either. Christmas time is an emotional roller coaster. Holiday traffic sucks, seeing family is great, too much family sucks (that's why I live in Texas... you guys have to love me since you hardly see me), getting gifts is exciting, getting gifts causes grief, especially if you get something that sucks, holiday travel is fun, but getting home and seeing the bag throwers at the airport broke everything in your suitcase sucks. See?
In conclusion, welcome to the most wonderful time of the year. Make it a point to enjoy the next few days because next week everyone's going to be fat, stressed, broke, and lonely. Yes, reality is fantastic! If there's one thing I know for certain it's; no matter how bad life gets, there's always BEER or if you're counting calories, vodka.
Christmas looms on the horizon and as I try to sound like an actual writer, people grow increasingly anxious for gifts and other various holiday treats.
Christmas, no longer just a celebration of the birth of our lord an savior, it is now something so much.... less. A commercialized flurry of new gadgets, incredible holiday offers, and being really depressed. To be honest, I'm not ever sure people realize what is being celebrated anymore or that there's even a celebration going on. We're all too busy trying to get the last Tickle Me Elmo or feeling guilty all we could afford is $5.00 toward way too much "coffee" at Starbucks.
Earlier today I was wished a Merry Christmas Eve Eve. Yes, there was actually a second eve and while I respect the person who said it to me, the only response I could muster.... "I'm Jewish". Christmas is great, but not so great I'm going to go around wishing people Merry Christmas 3-6 days in advance.
Christmas, no longer just a celebration of the birth of our lord and savior, it's now something much... more. Tis the season for gross over consumption. Did you know: The average person consumes 600 more calories per day between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Essentially that is 2 extra meals per day and roughly 15,000 calories throughout the "25 days of Christmas". For those of you who aren't in the physical fitness industry, that's just over 4 lbs of body fat in less than a month. No wonder everybody feels guilty at the start of the year and make there's New Years Resolution to get in shape.
It's not just food that's being over consumed, either. Christmas time is an emotional roller coaster. Holiday traffic sucks, seeing family is great, too much family sucks (that's why I live in Texas... you guys have to love me since you hardly see me), getting gifts is exciting, getting gifts causes grief, especially if you get something that sucks, holiday travel is fun, but getting home and seeing the bag throwers at the airport broke everything in your suitcase sucks. See?
In conclusion, welcome to the most wonderful time of the year. Make it a point to enjoy the next few days because next week everyone's going to be fat, stressed, broke, and lonely. Yes, reality is fantastic! If there's one thing I know for certain it's; no matter how bad life gets, there's always BEER or if you're counting calories, vodka.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Come say it to my face.
Hi, hello. Social networking.... ugh. I love computers and technology as much as the next guy, but while they're fantastic and useful tools, they're crippling our social skills. Thus, I'm going to propose a revolution... I'll call it the "Say that to my face revolution". Whether what you have to say to me is good, bad, or indifferent I want you to say it to my face. If you think my blog sucks, say it to my face. If you think I'm a terrible person, say it to my face. If you're confused about why I'm writing how nobody will say anything to anyone's face because they're too busy using technology to do it so they don't have to suffer the awkwardness and discomfort of saying something to somebody's face, come say it to my face! Unless you're following from another state or far off city. I, then, give you permission to post or text it, but if you see me make sure you ask if I remember your post or text to my face.
It's so easy to say rude things to somebody if you don't have to see their reaction. Don't get me wrong, I take advantage of text messaging convenience, but I'm not going to full on argue and insult you via text (anymore). It's too easy. I think there would be a lot more humility on this planet if people actually had to suffer consequences for things they said. I would say people are 86% less likely to properly handle a bad situation now that they can use text to do it instead of having to actually have a human interaction. The length of arguments is at an all time high, some lasting days or even weeks! Doing it old school makes for a much quicker resolution because everybody feels better after a good yell followed by breaking something (hopefully not a hand breaking on a wall).
Text arguing also gives an advantage to whomever is smartest and not just whomever is loudest, the fastest talker, or the most intimidating physically. You don't need to make an immediate response so there's plenty of time to think of your response and possibly do some necessary research. I hate that people can whip out their iphone and check facts via google instead of actually having to know things.
In short, screw you text message, email, or other various social network fighting. You're ruining peoples self confidence and overall people skills. It's a shame that people have to be worried about meeting new people because of facebook stalking and being googled. Not to turn this in to a "chicken or egg" argument, but are people douches because they can facebook stalk or were people always this intrusive and snobby and social networking is just a tool that amplifies it?
If you have a problem with any of this come say it to my face! (unless previously discussed criteria are met).
It's so easy to say rude things to somebody if you don't have to see their reaction. Don't get me wrong, I take advantage of text messaging convenience, but I'm not going to full on argue and insult you via text (anymore). It's too easy. I think there would be a lot more humility on this planet if people actually had to suffer consequences for things they said. I would say people are 86% less likely to properly handle a bad situation now that they can use text to do it instead of having to actually have a human interaction. The length of arguments is at an all time high, some lasting days or even weeks! Doing it old school makes for a much quicker resolution because everybody feels better after a good yell followed by breaking something (hopefully not a hand breaking on a wall).
Text arguing also gives an advantage to whomever is smartest and not just whomever is loudest, the fastest talker, or the most intimidating physically. You don't need to make an immediate response so there's plenty of time to think of your response and possibly do some necessary research. I hate that people can whip out their iphone and check facts via google instead of actually having to know things.
In short, screw you text message, email, or other various social network fighting. You're ruining peoples self confidence and overall people skills. It's a shame that people have to be worried about meeting new people because of facebook stalking and being googled. Not to turn this in to a "chicken or egg" argument, but are people douches because they can facebook stalk or were people always this intrusive and snobby and social networking is just a tool that amplifies it?
If you have a problem with any of this come say it to my face! (unless previously discussed criteria are met).
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